I was at a home decor shop recently that had a little sign stating House Rules. It contained wise phrases like: Love each other. Dream big. Laugh a lot. Try new things.
Does your home have House Rules? Have you ever considered your Family Values?
It is undoubtedly helpful to have clearly stated expectations in any organization–even your home.
Many of you may have had premarital counseling which helped you both consider expectations as mundane as “Who will be responsible for which household duties?” Those early conversations likely helped avoid unnecessary conflict later.
This kind of clarity is important with kids too. Do your kids know what you expect of them? Do they understand the priorities by which you live your life and the values that drive you?
Oh wait…first I should ask: “Do you?” Have you given thought to the priorities by which you’ll live your life and to the core values that drive you?
It’s impossible to expect children to live up to ideals that you’ve never clearly defined or communicated. But it’s equally impossible to expect that you yourself will live up to some murky, mysterious, undefined ideal.
This is why many people unintentionally meander into a lifestyle that is out of alignment with what they truly value or what they really wanted.
Examples include: You’re entrapped by lifestyle inflation, having moved swiftly to bigger houses, newer cars, and more exclusive schools so that your financial margin has evaporated. You find yourself at your kids’ extracurricular activities every Sunday and realize your family hasn’t been to church together for months. You find yourself in ill-health because you gradually stopped making good sleeping, eating, and fitness choices. Or you may even find yourself in real peril with your marriage or your job or your faith on the verge of collapse due to incremental foolish and/or sinful choices.
No one gets there overnight. It’s typically the result of a series of seemingly insignificant decisions which caused us to drift from the path we intended to take.
Here’s an important step to avoid accidentally living this kind of misaligned life: Decide and define the path you do intend to take. Decide and define the priorities by which you want to live your life and the values that you want to drive you.
This process of deciding and defining involves hard work. It takes hours of introspection and honest self-awareness. Prayer, processing and prioritizing. Assuming responsibility and accountability. You and your spouse may need to have a series of meetings (date nights) where you communicate and collaborate and compromise just like you did at the start with household duties.
I’m attaching a Family Priorities Exercise for you to use if you choose to wrestle through this process. Let me know if you do and how it goes!
God’s best to you as you intentionally lead your family!