At church we are in a series on the Book of Nehemiah called Stand Strong. This old book is full of practical life lessons and leadership principles. Last Sunday, Pastor Jay’s first life lesson from Nehemiah chapter 2 was about the importance of timing and tone when dealing with people.
This is especially true when it comes to conflicts at home.
There are many ways to navigate relational challenges in a family, but I have one important piece of advice about when and how to proceed:
“Not in the heat of the moment.”
In the heat of the moment people are less receptive to reason. In the heat of the moment, feelings are raw and tempers are high. In the heat of the moment, angry and hurtful words slip out.
Timing and tone are at their worst in the heat of the moment.
There’s a reason they say “cooler heads prevail.”
It’s always best to let things calm down a bit before trying to resolve the issue. The following suggestions aren’t guaranteed steps to end all strife in your house. But they make it less likely to blow up in your face.
- In sibling conflicts, separate children and redirect their attention to something else for a while. Then pray for wisdom on how to proceed.
- In a frustrated text exchange with your teenager, calmly let them know you look forward to talking to them about it face to face later and that you love them. Then pray for wisdom on how to proceed.
- In a marital dispute, go for a walk around the block and pray. Or, go do the dishes and pray. Or fold the laundry and pray. Or, pray and then sleep on it. (Not recommended: Going somewhere else or talking to someone else).
In times of crisis, time and tone really do matter. So help yourself out. Learn to be patient. Don’t try to fix things in the heat of the moment. Someone is likely to get burned.
“A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.” (Proverbs 15:18).