Holidays are coming and with them you are likely going to have lots of time in close proximity to family, extended family, and other people who get under your skin. 🙂
Inevitably, there will be disagreements: about politics, about religion, about you…your faith, your priorities, and more!
What’s a Jesus-loving family to do?
I have three tips for these potentially precarious interactions with people:
- A priority
- A practice
- A posture
A priority: Relationship first. Decide in advance to put relationship first. Above winning an argument or appearing successful or putting someone in their place or defending yourself. One way to do this is to decide in advance that you are simply going to put up with the frustrating words and behaviors of others.
Think about who you will see this Thanksgiving. Is there anyone you love to pieces but they also drive you crazy? Write their name down. Next write down what it is that they do specifically that infuriates you.
That is the person you are going to prioritize and that is the thing you are going to put up with.
“You are God’s chosen people… So put on tender mercy and kindness as if they were your clothes. Don’t be proud. Be gentle and patient. PUT UP WITH ONE ANOTHER. Forgive one another if you are holding something against someone.” Colossians 3:12-14
A practice: Ask questions. People feel loved when they feel seen and heard. So have some intentional conversation time with your person where all you do is ask open-ended questions and let them talk. Get started with a softball like this: “Are there any goals or dreams you still hope to achieve?” Keep on asking more questions. And then just keep on listening. ChatGPT is a great tool for generating a list of open-ended questions.
“…let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.” James 1:19.
A posture: Humility. C.S. Lewis said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less.” So having a humble posture with your family doesn’t mean being a doormat or a wallflower. But it does mean purposefully flipping the spotlight off of yourself and onto others. This is so hard. For some personalities, this is impossible. But with God, all things are possible. The Holy Spirit is a genius at helping us behave like Jesus when our personality would rather not.
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3
I pray that this Thanksgiving you experience a true miracle––the ability to humbly connect with a difficult beloved person in a way that makes them feel loved. And maybe, just maybe, peace will flourish around your table.
I’m immensely grateful for you and your families this Thanksgiving and always!
