Relationships are hard work. Can I get an Amen? Jeremy and I will celebrate our 27th wedding anniversary at the end of this month. I’m baffled by how challenging it can still be to share life with another person. But it shouldn’t come as a surprise. Every marriage——every relationship for that matter——consists of two sinners. Two selfish, selfish sinners. Ideally, the Holy Spirit is mortifying that selfish nature bit by bit. But it still raises its ugly head at times.
That’s why I’m excited about our current sermon series on marriage. Jeremy and I have been enjoying the 2:8 Marriage Enrichment Kit and our small group is currently going through one of the recommended resources, Paul Tripp’s book on marriage. Our marriage still requires work, even after all these years.
I’ve been pondering how the marriage relationship has so much in common with all other kinds of relationships. The same high-level principles that help form a healthy marriage also apply to friends, co-workers, neighbors and even our children.
Take seeking forgiveness, for example. Because of our pride, it is so difficult to admit when we are wrong. So. Difficult. And strangely, it seems like the closer the relationship, the more challenging it is. I apologize all the time to perfect strangers when I bump into them at a store or accidentally get in their way. But my kids? Well, I’m their mother. They shouldn’t have gotten in my way. I’ve done nine million things for their benefit so even if I did just hurt their feelings, or their toes, that’s just too bad, they still owe me.
Yuck. Have you ever caught yourself feeling like that? I’m ashamed to confess I have. I wouldn’t treat a stranger that way! How can I expect to build a healthy relationship with my kids if I treat them worse than strangers?
I believe that admitting when we’re wrong and seeking forgiveness from our kids is one of the most important habits that parents can adopt to build a lifelong relationship of trust. It models for kids how to take responsibility for their actions. It also communicates to them so many other truths like:
- No one’s perfect but Jesus
- In our family we are vulnerable
- In our family we speak what’s true
- In our family we are a safe place for you to admit when you make a mistake too
- Everyone needs the gospel: I’m not enough. But Jesus is.
When we really believe those things and commit to the practice of seeking forgiveness in all our relationships,
“We can live in the liberating light of humility and honesty, a needy and tender sinner living with a needy and tender sinner, no longer defensive and no longer afraid, together growing nearer to one another as we grow to be more like him” (What Did You Expect? Tripp. page 83).
I hope the beauty of these gospel truths will result in stronger relationships with all your people.
With love,
