Single moms and dads pardon me, but I need to state the obvious to those of us in holy wedlock. Being married is hard.
Just this morning, do you wanna know what happened? I cleaned the kitchen. Now, on a good day the dirty dishes make it to the dishwasher and the counter gets wiped off. But this was one of those rare, scour the sink and polish the granite kinds of days. And do you wanna know what happened next? My dear husband entered and started fixing himself some breakfast.
Ya feel me?
And then something really amazing happened. I felt the Holy Spirit actually at work in me. Reminding me that making scrambled eggs did not make my husband the enemy. Reminding me that the clean kitchen was my will, not the universal, almighty will of God. Reminding me to get over my dang self. And the foothold of bitterness that the enemy tried to gain—the foothold which, if I’m honest, he often gains in this kind of circumstance—poof. Gone.
You see, I’m reading a good book right now. And it says some really bold things about love and marriage and sin and selfishness and God’s “gorgeous grace.” The book is entitled “What Did You Expect?” by Paul David Tripp. Although I’ve only read three chapters, it gets a five-star, must-read recommendation. Here’s just one little gem.
“We don’t have time to love our spouse, in the purest sense of what that means, because we are too busy loving ourselves. What we actually want is for our spouse to love us as much as we love ourselves, and if our spouse is willing to do that, we will have a wonderful relationship. So we try to co-opt our spouse into a willing submission to the plans and purposes of our claustrophobic kingdom of one” (emphasis mine, page 47).
Ouch. I literally have “OUCH” written in the margin on that page. In fact, I haven’t used a highlighter this much since college.
I am so grateful for the godly wisdom of older women I had in my life when I was struggling through the mess of raising children and fighting to keep love alive in my marriage. Over and over I heard them encourage, “A marriage is the center of the family—not the children.”
And now that our kids are grown, now that it’s pretty much just me and Jeremy left here, I am so glad I was given that counter-cultural wisdom. I’m glad we worked hard (and hard work it was!) to stay invested in our relationship. But reading this book is showing me how much more work God has in store for me—for us. And it’s exciting.
Because according to God, marriage is till death. Raising the kids? That goes by in the blink of an eye. Trust me. It’s bittersweet how they grow up and take their messes and noise (and also their laughter and hugs) with them. And then you are left with…that person. Will you be strangers? Will you be roommates? Or will you be dearly connected in a way that is truly sacred?
If you want the latter, I strenuously recommend this book. And forgiveness. And date nights. And sex. Can I say that without blushing? Yep.
“Male and female He created them…And God blessed them…Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh…This mystery is profound… Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Marriage mashup from: Genesis 1:27, 2:24, Ephesians 5:32, Mark 10:9).
I am praying for your marriages. May they accomplish God’s great sanctifying work of grace in your life.