I had an encouraging and deeply personal epiphany this summer. And I’d like to share it with you.
Epiphany. Noun. “an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure.”
Merriam webster
(Epiphany is also the holiday where we celebrate the Magi’s visit to Jesus, but that’s not what I’m talking about today).
My illuminating discovery happened in three phases.
Phase One:
One of my kids did or said something that annoyed me. Imagine that! Kids can still do that to a parent even once they grow up. All I know is, I was justifiably annoyed. It was something really dumb, insensitive, foolish or demanding. I don’t exactly remember which. Never mind that. I just know I felt totally justified in the moment.
Then I suddenly realized (translation, the Lord convicted me in my spirit): Me getting annoyed and critical of my kids (or anybody) is more about my sin than theirs.
Let me repeat. Getting annoyed or overly critical or easily angered is MY SIN. My fault. Not theirs. Itt says more about me being a bad parent and a bad friend than anything it says about the other person.
I admit, Phase One was a little bit harsh and painful, but it led me to the next part.
Phase Two:
Another day I was praying for and wanting greater devotion and affection for Jesus. I love him and I’m devoted to Him, but I was hungering for more. I had recently had a large party at my house and I flat out told Jesus, “I want to know for sure you’d be the first person I’d invite to a party, and if I’m honest, I’m not sure right now you would. And that’s a problem with ME, not you Jesus, so show me what that’s all about.”
He showed me exactly why I said that. I confessed that I was afraid that if Jesus was at my party, he would be constantly giving me, “the look.” Following me around with a disappointed look of disapproval for something I did or said. Repeatedly giving me a condescending shake of the head for my wrong, sinful, or selfish motives. Like some killjoy chaperone–not an ideal party guest.
I like people who like me. People who find me funny, smart or wise. Those are naturally my favorite people to hang with! My friends know I’m not perfect. They like me and love me anyway. I guess deep down I was sort of wondering if Jesus actually likes me or just loves me–-because he has to.
Phase Three:
I re-realized something.
I re-realized that being critical, easily angered, impatient or annoyed isn’t godly. God isn’t a bad parent. And Jesus isn’t a bad friend.
Oh that I would trust the heart of my good friend Jesus. To love me and like me. To trust that He isn’t surprised by or disappointed with me or even with my spiritual progress.
Because after all I think that He is comfortable trusting my sanctification to the timeline of the perfect Holy Spirit.
But that’s a thought for another time.
