Our girls came home for Mother’s Day weekend and one of them was recalling a funny little phrase they were required to use as a child if they wanted to question mom or dad’s instructions.
“May I please ask why?”
Kids asking why can be incredibly annoying. They whine “Why?” when what they really mean is, “I have no intention of obeying you anytime soon.” Engaging in the endless loop of “But why?” with a three-year-old is a good way to lose your temper if not your ever-loving marbles.
For us, the phrase “May I please ask why?” helped avoid that tension yet at the same time gave our kids:
- AFFIRMATION: Knowing Why Is Good. Our goal isn’t blindly obedient robots but curious, confident people who know mom and dad are always approachable and not threatened by questions. As kids consistently hear good reasons it builds trust that our rules are wise and loving.
- CAUTION: Knowing Why Isn’t Always Possible. But sometimes we don’t get to know why. Sometimes the only available answer is the dreaded, “Because I said so.” Then we hopefully have the child’s trust that we are still wise and loving. Wanting to know why isn’t wrong, but it’s not always possible.
Much of the Book of Psalms is simply God’s children asking, “But why?” and “How long?” and “Do I have to?” Our heavenly Father isn’t annoyed by our asking why. Sometimes He answers us clearly and quickly. Sometimes we never learn His reasons. But we can still trust he is wise and loving.
Are you currently questioning God? Why is this happening in our world, in our schools, in our family, in our marriage? Why won’t You show me what to do about my job, my kids, my parents?
Maybe it’s even more personal than that. Am I loved, accepted, significant or even saved? Am I enough? Why do I have so much self-doubt? Why am I still struggling with this after all these years? May I please ask why?
Sometimes His answer is, “Because I said so.” And we ought to trust His wisdom.
Sometimes His answer is, “I’ll tell you later.” And we choose to believe in His love.
Sometimes His answer is:
- I’ve got something better for you.
- There’s someone I want you to meet there.
- I’m using this to make you compassionate.
- You’re going to discover your calling through this.
- There’s a neighbor here who needs Jesus.
- I want you to learn humility.
- They need your wisdom.
- You need their wisdom.
- This is how I teach you courage.
We might need to actively search for God’s answer. God gives answers in scripture, through prayer and meditation, the counsel of faithful friends and in the old writings of the great men and women of God.
When Pastor Ben Stuart began to read Christian classics by Francis Schaeffer and C.S. Lewis and others, he realized,
“…throughout the Christian story brothers and sisters in Christ have asked the same questions I was asking and they found answers. And they had asked harder questions and found answers to those!” (Ben Stuart. Confidence in a World of Chaos. Passion City Church D.C. March 8, 2021).
Remember you are never alone in your questions and doubts. And God is not annoyed by your, “May I please ask why?” He has his wise and loving reasons. You can trust Him.
“Why, Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?…You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,” (Psalm 10:1, 17).