Irrational trust.

A couple years ago our daughter Marissa came home on a college break and announced that she wanted to move to NYC after graduation.

I admit that news didn’t bring out the best side of parenting on my part. At times there may have been eyerolls. There may have been condescending comments. There may have been rhetorical questions meant to jab at the impossibility of this plan ever coming to fruition. And there may have just been a whole heap of denial, avoidance, and low-grade passive aggression.

And although my methods at times may have lacked delicacy and patience, I still believe that the specific counsel we have given about this idea was sound. New York City doesn’t seem like the place you start. One’s first step into a human service career. An extremely expensive location for a typically meager starting salary. After all, there’s plenty of under-resourced kids who need advocacy nearer to home: St. Louis. Chicago. Des Moines, for heaven’s sake.

My husband, always the kinder, gentler parent, said, “I will cheer for you. I will pray for you. I will not pay for you.”

Yet she remained determined. Maybe she couldn’t move there immediately after graduation, but she would work and save until she could. Maybe she would shoot for January of 2022. Honestly, I hoped those six months would be when God would speak some sense to her.

And then, out of the blue, nine days ago (July 20th), Marissa texted us and asked if we’d pray for her 2-hour interview with a charter school in Brooklyn, NY.  They sought her out, not the other way around.

A two-hour interview and two days later, Marissa was offered the job. In NYC. At a really great school. Teaching a course that she is excited about while they pay 85% for her to get a master’s in teaching.

Seems too good to be true, right? What’s the catch?—there’s bound to be a catch.

Yeah, there’s a catch. She starts August 3^rd.

Now, if you’re reading this and your age is closer to 20 than to 50, you’re probably thinking, “What’s the problem?”  But if your brain has spent more than half of its life managing mortgages, car maintenance, medical bills, taxes, insurance, budgets, carpool and other domestic concerns, the idea of moving across the street in 10-days’ time is daunting.

And if you’re a mom. No, I guess I shouldn’t say that. Some moms maybe roll easier than I do. But if you’re a mom who thinks things like crooked landlords, crime rates, public transit logistics, and bed bugs are worth attention, then the 10-day thing plus 17 hours from home plus 8.5 million strangers equals one first class ticket on the Crazy Train.

I instantly began praying. I often pray that God will close doors if they lead away from His will—or in this case if they lead toward oblivion and the complete moral and financial and physical destruction of my baby girl.  I exaggerate (but for effect). I prayed that if it was not God leading her that the doors would close.

But before you judge my mothering too harshly, I also prayed instantly that if it is God leading her to NYC, that He would make it clear. That He would smooth the way. I prayed specifically for people who could help and mentor Marissa as she transitions to a completely new way of living and working.

I can’t get into all the details. But God is clearly leading. The job itself seems custom-made for Marissa’s strengths and experience. I asked Jeremy how much they would have to offer her for a salary for him to feel good about it. The number he gave seemed ridiculously high—like an easy door for God to close. Instead, they offered within $800 of Jeremy’s number. (Feel free to join me in one final eyeroll).

God not only didn’t close the original door but He keeps swinging new ones open: Jeremy’s ability to provide transportation for Marissa tomorrow (fully reimbursable, thanks to a relocation stipend). His ability to work there and stay with her for a few days. Friends of friends on Zoom passing on wisdom and offering to meet up with Marissa. A freaking house to stay in for free for up to a month, if necessary, while she looks for an apartment. Our friends have these incredibly generous people willing to reach out and help. In fact to “help and mentor Marissa as she transitions to a completely new way of living and working.”

Ask and you shall receive, apparently.

It’s not lost on me that this adventure started for me during Day Camp. Day Camp is our church’s summer VBS for little ones. This year we taught the story of the Exodus, the Passover, and how Jesus is our perfect, spotless Lamb of God.

The Israelites were enslaved. No means to change their circumstances on their own. And then this guy shows up, unsolicited, and begins paving the way for their rescue. A bunch of scary things transpire until one final blow that results in a clear path out of slavery. Where to, exactly, was still a little foggy. They just kept putting one foot in front of the other. Following Moses, following God. Then the Red Sea, one last final obstacle. A huge, insurmountable one. Reason goes out the window. Fear erupts. Panic ensues.

Moses says, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and see the LORD rescue you today” (Exodus 14:13).

God is able to change the stubborn mind of Pharaoh (no comment on whether I’m thinking of my own stubborn heart as I type that). God is able to surmount the insurmountable. God is able to lead His people on dry ground where yesterday there was only a raging sea. God is able to control all the details of all the circumstances to accomplish exactly what He wants for his child.

I’m not gonna lie. The old jerk Satan has toyed with my heart this week tangling me back up with fear and worry manifested in symptoms of physical anxiety and sleeplessness. But if I have a lyric that is central to my testimony it would be: “I’m no longer a slave to fear. I am a child of God.” Faithful friends prayed for me. I feel free again. Ask and you shall receive.

So that’s my story of irrational trust. Marissa is doing this crazy thing. And the craziest thing of all is how God can take my stubborn opinions and fears for Marissa and so quickly mold them into something that is getting dangerously close to excitement for Marissa. I can trust because I know that even though I can’t be close enough to help her, the God who rains frogs and parts seas can be. And that’s good enough for me.

And then Moses said to God, “If Your presence is not going with us, do not make us leave this place”…The LORD answered Moses, “I will do what you have asked because I am pleased with you and I know you by name” (Exodus 33:15, 17)