Holidays are tough. I mean they are also potentially fabulous and fun and meaningful. But let’s be mega-honest for a minute. There is so much pressure. There’s the added expenses. There’s the extended family time (enough said). There’s the travel. Hours in a confined space with small children. Or if you stay home and host, there’s the prep and clean up and little time left to actually “holiday.” There’s other, internal pressures too. Pressure to be a perfect family having a perfect holiday in our perfect matching holiday outfits. Pressure to make it Instagram-worthy. Pressure to prove (to ourselves, our parents, our friends) that we are good enough.
I understand. I’ve been there. Right down to the matching clothes. We end up losing the whole point of holidays: Meaningful days we cherish with the ones we love.
When our kids were small, Jeremy and I received a piece of counsel from a wise and godly man we admired. His simple advice:
Make more good memories than bad.
Easier said than done! Holidays may have rich potential to make good memories. But all these pressures can turn us into grown-up grinches and scroogettes and turn these days into times of regret filled with angry outbursts, slamming doors, hurt feelings, silent drives, and miserable memories.
Is it possible to go from horrific holidays to happy holidays? Can we leverage the potential into actual good memories? When stress and negativity are winning, Is there a giant magical switch we can flip or a pressure-valve we can relieve?
No. Not exactly. But there is a practice that is helpful. It is not only trendy, it’s biblical.
Gratitude.
There are medical studies that indicate that practicing gratitude is good for your mental and bodily health. That’s why it’s trendy. There’s also 165 times in scripture where practicing gratitude is either mentioned or commanded. That’s why it’s biblical.
I know the long car ride to Grandma’s is going to be miserable. But can you thank God in that situation? Maybe be thankful that your mom is still able to live independently and still has the health to host the family. Thankful for portable video players. Thankful for Ziploc bags and Goldfish crackers. Thankful for noise-canceling headphones?
I know cooking for a crowd is expensive and tons of work. But can we thank God for a functional kitchen, warm home, full fridge, and source of income? Or thank God we live in a state that doesn’t have a turkey shortage this year?
I know there’s a craving to show the world (or ourselves) that our family is awesome. We want the perfect #blessed social media post with affirmations about how adorable your kids are or comments from high school friends saying how great you still look. But can we instead thank God for the thousands of precious, private, personal moments the world will never see: moments with sweatpants, sleepy eyes, warm cuddles and pure love?
There’s a blessing somewhere even in those hard, disappointing moments. Count it.
I encourage you to start a gratitude journal with your family this Thanksgiving. See how long it takes you to get to 100 things. Or 500. Or 1000.
As you create your list, go beyond “my family” and “my house.” Be specific. “The coffee my wife makes every morning.” “My husband’s patience.” “Healthy kids.” I truly believe that if you really put thought and heart into it you will notice your attitude turn to gratitude, giving you happier memories—even when your quart of homemade gravy spills all over the back of your minivan on the way to Thanksgiving dinner and your vehicle smells faintly like turkey for the next two years (true story).
Maybe this sounds too simplistic. Sometimes life is excruciating. I know. But practicing gratitude teaches the truth that no matter how hard today is, we can still be thankful to God. Mine for those blessings like bitcoin. They are the currency of good memories and even happy holidays.
“Blessed are you, O Lord, the God of Israel our father, forever and ever. Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the kingdom, O Lord, and you are exalted as head above all. Both riches and honor come from you, and you rule over all. In your hand are power and might, and in your hand it is to make great and to give strength to all. And now we thank you, our God, and praise your glorious name” (1 Chronicles 29:10-13).
