What have you failed at this week?
I recently read a story from the childhood of Sara Blakely, the billionaire founder of Spanx. When she was growing up her father would frequently ask around the dinner table, “What have you failed at this week?” He would be disappointed if she didn’t have something to tell him. That’s because to her father, true success didn’t consist of immediate outcomes but in pushing past the fears of risk and of trying something new.
What have you failed at this week?
The great Michael Jordan, 6-time NBA champion and 5-time MVP, said, “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
What have you failed at this week?
This reminds me of the speech Roger Federer gave at Dartmouth College Commencement in 2024. Federer, 20-time Tennis Grand Slam champion, offered some perspective on how to properly view setbacks. The greatest tennis player of his era won only 54% of his points. He said, in the moment, every point is important, but when you lose one, you need to let it go and remember, “It’s only a point.”
Failure and setbacks and trials and tribulations are a part of everyone’s life. What if true success as a person is less about avoiding failure and more about learning and growing from it? And if that is true, are we doing our kids any favors if we protect them from experiencing and learning from failure?
What would it look like if your kids felt free to try and fail and try again?
You might hear things like:
- I tried to tie my shoes at recess but couldn’t remember how.
- I raised my hand to answer a question but got it wrong.
- I asked her to come over to play but she didn’t want to.
- I belly flopped off the diving board.
- I wiped out in front of everybody trying a new trick on my skateboard.
- I tried out for a solo but didn’t get it.
- I tried out for the team and didn’t make it.
- I applied to that top school but didn’t get accepted.
- I asked her to prom and she said no.
With some age and wisdom, we understand that each of those examples are “just a point.” Not a big deal in the whole scheme of things. Yet somehow, we still try to protect our kids from feeling the embarrassment or pain that those setbacks can bring. We want to prevent them from the possibility of failing, even though real success is found in the fact that they aimed high, dreamed big, and tried.
“It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.” — Vince Lombardi, legendary NFL coach and 2-time Super Bowl champion.
And for those of us persevering through life and raising our kids in the faith, this is discipleship gold. We can’t avoid suffering. But the important thing is whether it produces something of worth in the process.
“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5).
What might you fail at next week?