I attended the funeral of an extended family member recently. She was a beautiful woman. A sweet soul. A loving wife and devoted mom. The grief was especially sharp and poignant because she was young. Only 56.
Her grown children courageously paid her tribute. They had the daunting task of summing up their mother’s life and legacy in a few paragraphs. As they prepared in the days beforehand, sorting through photos and retelling stories, precious memories came to light.
“If we ever broke a glass while doing dishes,” one of them related, “Mom would say, ‘I love you more than that glass.’”
What a sweet memory. What a beautiful reply! What a stunning example of grace.
That story made me remember back when to when our little kids would make a mistake or experience conflict or face disappointment. Jeremy and I would help them sort through it with a different slogan:
“Is this a big deal or a little deal?”
It’s important that we don’t treat a little deal like a big deal. Your brother accidentally breaking your giant LEGO creation or your baby sister coloring in your collector’s edition comic book, or even being sick with the flu and missing a dance recital——these are all opportunities to teach perspective and show how they feel big now but in the long run they are only little deals.
PRO TIP: On the other hand, it’s equally important that we don’t treat a big deal like a little deal. Calling a neighbor kid a mean name, sneaking a cookie, or telling a “little white lie”——these are significant character concerns revealing a tendency toward unkindness, deceit and dishonesty. In the long run, they are the big deals that you should not downplay. Those are the daily challenges that require careful daily attention.
As I listened to the story about the mom with the broken glass, I couldn’t help but feel convicted and sad over the many times I’d overreacted with my kids. In the heat of the moment when I reacted in anger instead of responding with love. Making mountains out of molehills and literally crying over spilled milk. Oh how I wish I hadn’t. I wish I’d really known then what I know now: that every time my kids broke a glass or ripped their clothes or lost their retainers or crashed the car, it was only a little deal after all.
So next time, tell your child, “I love you more than that ___________.” They will never forget it.
“As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Abide in my love” (John 15:9).
