There’s a classic scene in Father of the Bride where Steve Martin finally loses it. Tension from planning his daughter’s wedding causes him to eventually snap in the grocery store. A store manager confronts him while he tears four hot dog buns from each package. He wants to buy eight hot dogs and eight hot dog buns. However,
“they only sell twelve hot dog buns. So I end up paying for four buns I don’t need. So I am removing the superfluous buns.”
Superfluous buns. The straw that broke the camel’s back. The end of your rope. Your last nerve. All ways of saying the same thing, “I just can’t anymore.”
Staying in control is exhausting. Surrendering control is terrifying. That is why this is one of the biggest spiritual battles I fight on a daily basis. I want to be in control of all things.
With children this is impossible. Kids don’t think to tell us in advance about the elaborate costume or science project they need tomorrow. They don’t care that we just cleaned the kitchen when they dump a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. And they always seem to pick the most anticipated holiday weekend of the year to get sick.
But with marriage, if our expectation is to always be the one in control in that relationship, beware! That controlling spirit can cause you to start seeing your partner as the enemy, the one guilty of thwarting your plans, disrupting your life, stomping your last nerve. We probably wouldn’t exactly say it like that, yet we still treat each other like that. Resentful. Short-tempered. Cold-shouldered.
Ultimately this is a “me” problem. It’s caused by my sin against God. My refusal to let Him rule over my kids, my husband, and especially my life.
In the latest NCBC 2:8 Marriage video, I was convicted by some wisdom from my friend Jane Kelley.
“The more I focus on control – the more I go in the direction of, ‘This is wrong and this is wrong and this is wrong.’ And that negativity is what gets bigger in my mind. But when the Holy Spirit transforms me to instead let Him change me, the more I go in the direction of gratitude. ‘I’m thankful for this and this and this.’ And then gratitude is what gets bigger in my mind.”
Can we flip our perspective about the things that get on our last nerve to instead be something worth thanking God for? Kid vacuums up your earring – well at least they were pitching in to help. Wife leaves your tool outside in the rain – good for her for doing that project herself. Husband leaves the minivan on empty – it was such a blessing that he picked the kids up from all their activities last night.
These are not natural human responses. Only through the transforming work of the Holy Spirit can we respond with love and gratitude instead of resentment and criticism. Let’s fight the overwhelming desire to control the world and surrender with hearts and minds overwhelmed with gratitude.
You’ll be thankful to know that this month Heinz Ketchup began a change.org petition to unify the hotdog bun and hotdog packaging once and for all. If you are tired of superfluous buns, sign The Heinz Hotdog Pact today.
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts… And be thankful” (Colossians 3:15).
Sincerely thankful for you all,
