When I was a young mom with four kids ages 5 and under, I struggled with being joyful (Every mom reading this just muttered, “Amen, sister” under her breath.). The strain of having so many asking so much of me day after day after day was not only physically exhausting but mentally as well. Although I loved my kids desperately and was literally living my best life, I found myself becoming resentful of these little ones who consumed my resources and gave little back. Four little kids produce a lot of noise, bodily fluids, and chaos. That’s just life.
I knew something had to change. God knew my mind had to change.
In His infinite kindness He led me to John 15 and I camped out there for years. Joy was the missing ingredient in my life. And in John 15, Jesus gives a counter-cultural recipe for achieving it.
Spoiler Alert: It isn’t more “me” time. It isn’t a break, a vacation, a run, a bubble bath, a glass of wine, or a date night. Those things can definitely be good and healthy things and it’s wise to try to fit them into your life. But they won’t produce lasting joy.
The only way to true joy is love. Sacrificial, die-to-myself kind of love. Putting up with them kind of love. This is costing me a lot, in fact this might just cost me everything kind of love. “Love each other as I have loved you” Jesus love.
To this day, when I feel joyless, stressed, under-appreciated, or basically filled with self-pity, love is the way out. The only way out. If I prayerfully force my mind to look outside myself at other people’s hurts and needs, I realize how many others have it much worse than I do. Then if I actually do something loving with a pure heart for someone else (whether it’s a clingy 12 month old or a grumpy neighbor)——inevitably, that is how Jesus’ joy has been and still is made complete in my heart.
It doesn’t have to be something monumental. It might just be a smile and a wave for that neighbor. Or stopping what you’re doing for the umpteenth time and without malice, listening to your child. I have learned that loving others produces joy.
And I’m not even a 2 on the Enneagram!
In the midst of life’s chaos, don’t forget there is joy to be found. The Holy Spirit accomplishes it for us when we live and love like Jesus. Begin to talk in your family about what others-first love might look like in your family, in your neighborhood, and in our derecho-damaged, COVID-crazy world.
If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. (John 15:10-12).
With joy,
