I came home early Monday. My hope was to soak up a little sun for a few minutes and then work the rest of the day remotely from my house. This was the first really warm and sunny opportunity I’ve had so far this year. So I laid a quilt on the deck, put my audio book in my ears, set a timer on my watch and lay down on my stomach.
Promptly my 100 pound Great Pyrenees puppy found me and wanted to join me.
And by join me I mean: Put his front legs across my legs and then rest his giant head on my back, and drool. Or straddle me across the middle, block the sun, and drool. Or put his giant paws (claws) on the back of my legs, lick my feet and drool.
I didn’t enjoy that very much.
I know a (very) little bit about training good behaviors into my dog. But I’m not completely sure how to make him stop doing something naughty–or in this case uncomfortable and gross.
So I did what anyone would do: I moved him and said no. Then I moved him off me again and sternly said no. Then I shoved him off me, stood over him with authority and yelled no. I admit I did that last one a few times.
Strangely, the angrier I got, the more it seemed like a game to Herky.
That’s when I remembered some things:
- First of all: “No” isn’t a very clear or helpful command. No to what? Climbing on my back? Digging his nails into my bare legs? Drooling on me (good luck changing that behavior)? Or being on my quilt? He didn’t know what I meant. He just knew he was getting my attention.
- Secondly, consistency in teaching him acceptable behaviors or commands is a lot easier than trying to get him to stop doing something he really, really wants to do.
- Thirdly, getting angry never helps. Raising my voice never helps.
And just like that I was reminded of the many times I expected my children to stop doing what they really, really wanted to do simply because it made me frustrated or angry.
The following three puppy training practices also work surprisingly well as effective parenting principles.
- It was much more effective when I reminded Herky of the already familiar principle/command of “Off.” Turns out this works when he’s on a quilt, a person’s back, or any time he wants to give “hugs” or be overly friendly with our cat.
- I consistently repeated that command as I saw him inching toward the quilt to correct him before he ever got there. I noticed when he became tempted to be naughty and reminded him of the boundary before he crossed it.
- Finally I just used my regular, confident in-charge voice.
The difference was night and day. Eventually he got bored and lay down at a distance, in the shade: a perfectly acceptable pastime for my dog.
Chances are, you’ve lost your temper with your kids and in frustration yelled at them. Me too. A lot. It’s not a very effective strategy. Far better to apply the three principles above in response to your kids: communicate very clear expectations up front, notice and consistently remind them when they are getting close to the edge, and don’t lose your cool if and when they cross it.
Thanks Herky for reminding me of the better way to respond in frustration!
How might you take these puppy training principles and add them to your parenting toolbelt?
“Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4).